How to Talk to Someone About Their Memory Loss

Have you noticed your loved one struggling to find the right words, forgetting people’s names, or showing other signs of memory loss?

While many people consider memory loss to be a normal part of aging, it’s not. Noticeable memory loss and forgetfulness often signal more serious and progressive conditions such as Alzheimer’s or dementia. That’s why starting a conversation about noticeable memory loss early is one of the most important things you can do to help them.

We understand how uncomfortable or overwhelming it can be to discuss sensitive topics like memory loss—but it’s important to remember that it is a powerful act of love.

It paves the way to understanding, support, and the possibility of a better quality of life for your loved one.

Continue reading to learn how to talk to a parent, spouse, or loved one about memory loss and discover tips to help them get the care, guidance, and support they need to live with dignity and confidence.

Understanding Memory Loss

Approximately 40% (16 million) of U.S. adults aged 65 and older have an age-related memory impairment.  Here is a quick guide to help you recognize the signs and learn how to talk to a loved one about memory loss in a compassionate, understanding, and supportive way.

Recognizing the Signs

Many people in the early stages of memory loss tend to mask their symptoms or try to deny them, but it’s important to know what to look for so you can give them the help they need.

Some signs of memory loss include:

• Forgetting names, recent conversations, events, or appointments.
• Getting lost in familiar places or having difficulty following directions.
• Misplacing items like keys, wallets, phones, or glasses.
• Forgetting how to do or complete everyday tasks (e.g., making coffee).
• Getting confused about time, people, or places during conversations.
• Asking the same questions over and over.
• Having trouble finding the right words or using unusual words.
• Having trouble recognizing the faces of people you know well.

Preparing for the Conversation

If you notice changes in your loved one’s thinking, memory, or behavior, and are concerned about their health and well-being, it can be challenging to know how to approach the situation.

This can be especially difficult when deciding how to discuss memory loss with a spouse. Here is how to prepare for that important first conversation.

Choosing the Right Time and Place

• Choose a familiar, private, and quiet place to discuss your loved one’s memory loss.
• Find a time when you can talk without being interrupted. Ideally, this will be when your loved one is relaxed, and you do not have any competing priorities.
• Use reassuring and non-judgmental language to help show that you are raising concerns because you care about them and want to help.

Gathering Information

As mentioned previously, your loved one might be in denial about the severity of their memory loss. It’s important to observe and share specific examples of the person’s forgetfulness in a calm and compassionate way.

Focus the conversation on how these changes impact their quality of life or safety while avoiding accusatory language or statements that could cause hurt feelings.

Express concern and care for their well-being and happiness.

How to Talk to Aging Parents About Memory Loss: Starting the Conversation

Taking the first step in addressing memory loss in a loved one is often the most difficult. However, getting your loved one the support needed to maintain a high quality of life for as long as possible is also essential.

Using Compassionate Language

Compassionate language includes:

• Be patient.
• Validate their feelings.
• Use gentle reminders.
• Avoid confrontation.
• Focus on reassurance.
• Acknowledge their challenges.

Engaging in Active Listening

When talking to someone about their memory loss, it’s important to validate their feelings and always respond with empathy and understanding. This can include nonverbal cues like nodding, maintaining eye contact, and repeating important information to show that you are engaged in the conversation and understand their concerns.

Note: Your loved one may not be aware of their memory problems. Talking about them can make them feel confused or agitated.

During the Conversation

Struggling to figure out how to talk to someone about memory loss without causing hurt feelings? Here’s how to keep the conversation solution-focused and compassionate.

Addressing Concerns

Begin with one of the following conversation starters, ensuring you maintain a compassionate and understanding tone.

Tip: Try using “I” statements whenever possible to focus the conversation on your observations. Begin sentences with statements like, “I’ve noticed” or “I feel.”

“How have you been feeling lately? I’ve noticed you don’t seem like yourself.”

“I noticed you misplaced your [keys, wallet, phone] several times this week, and it worries me. Has that been happening more often?”

Offering Support

As someone’s memory begins to fade, you can help them maintain their dignity and sense of independence in subtle ways. These can include:

• Speak more clearly and slowly.
• Use shorter, more focused sentences.
• Offer gentle reminders if they forgot something without making them feel embarrassed.
• Create a predictable daily schedule with familiar activities.
• Use calendars, labels, pictures, and other visuals to help with memory.
• Involve them in decision-making that is within their capabilities.
• Keep their surroundings consistent and familiar.
• Avoid correcting them when they ask the same questions. Simply acknowledge their concerns.

After the Conversation

The first conversation about memory loss is essential to getting your loved one the ongoing care and support they need to thrive. But it’s just that—a first step.

Supporting them through the following stages requires ongoing communication, guidance, compassion, and patience.

Maintaining Communication

Memory loss can make your loved one feel vulnerable, scared, or even irritable. Understanding how to talk to your elderly parent about memory loss can make all the difference. Here are three ways you can help keep the lines of communication open:

• Always be patient.
• Always use empathy and acknowledge their feelings.
• Involve them in decisions about their care whenever possible to reinforce their sense of independence and dignity.

How to Help an Elderly Parent with Memory Loss: Seek Professional Help

Several things can cause memory loss, so it’s important to seek professional help to find out if you can stop or help slow its progression. Once you talk to your loved one about memory loss, here’s what to do next:

• Schedule a geriatric care check-up with a primary care provider or an evaluation with a neurologist.
• Keep a list of questions to ensure nothing is overlooked.
• Look into all available memory care resources (e.g., online support groups, educational materials, community programs) for additional support and understanding.